Joke book for me

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Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Mon 15 Dec 2008, 1:49 am

I got the Joke book from Dirty Santa....now you get the jokes. What a Face

On a Saturday morning, three boys come down to the kitchen and sit around the table. Their mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat.
'I want f***** french toast!,' he says.
The mother is ouraged, slaps him, and sends him upstairs.
She asks the second boy what he wants.
'I guess that leaves more f****** French toast for me,' he says.
He gets whacked and sent away.
She looks at the third boy.
'I don't really know, but I definitely don't want the f****** French Toast!'
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Mon 15 Dec 2008, 2:00 am

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his cell & calls 911.
'My friend is dead! What can I do?'
911 asks him to calm down, they will assist.
'First, let's make sure he is dead.'


After a short silence, there is a gunshot.


Guy returns to the phone.......


'OK, now what?'
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Tue 16 Dec 2008, 12:13 pm

On a pasenger flight, the pilot comes over the PA to greet passengers. He tells them current info, arrival time, weather and to enjoy the flight.
Forgetting to turn the PA off, he tells the co-pilot, "I would really like right now is a cup of coffee and a BJ."
Everyone hears it.
A stewardess runs from the back of the plane to turn off the PA.


This happens during Overspray's only flight to the Classic.


He yells to her, "Don't foget the coffee!"
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  overspray on Tue 16 Dec 2008, 1:07 pm


_________________
Stand Out.....or Stand Down !

Coming back with two rides in 2012...
1959 ..2276...Fatina
and a 1964 nice shiney Greenish..yellowish ride..
Get Ready !





http://www.facebook.com/pages/OvertonsResto/219003816997?ref=ts
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Dave on Wed 17 Dec 2008, 4:29 pm

Charles only flew so he could have a quick getaway after talking with the editor of VW Trends, that's what I heard... Razz Cool

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Re: Joke book for me

Post  overspray on Wed 17 Dec 2008, 8:19 pm

Quick getaway !!! Shocked Shocked hell you should know there is nothing quick about those freeways...took longer to get to the air port from the show than the trip from Gawga !

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Coming back with two rides in 2012...
1959 ..2276...Fatina
and a 1964 nice shiney Greenish..yellowish ride..
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Dave on Thu 18 Dec 2008, 4:12 pm

I remember Jones calling me on Thursday, the day of the Nick's/DKP/High horsepower VW deal, and saying you guys were in gridlock on either the 10 or the 405....and everybody coming down to my house and driving the Collection around... still have the photo of the BKC guys sticking out of the sunroof and safari windows of the 21 window...
Good times !!!
and I think it was you that got the ride from HotVWs to Nick's in the Oval, wasn't it? We drove right by the place the first time, I was so used to it being at the Dairy Queen, I got lost....
I also remember walking by the "meeting" between the BKC and a certain Magazine editor, and thought "That's a good place for me to stay away from right now, if I want to stay working for the people I'm working for"....

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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Thu 18 Dec 2008, 5:32 pm

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator.
He says to the patrons,"Here's the deal, I'll open this gators mouth and insert my genitals. The gator will close his mouth for one minute ,
then open it, and I'll remove my privates unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me a drink."
The crowd, which includes Mr. Clean, readily agrees.
The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gators' mouth. The gator closes his mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle, breaks it over the
gators head. Gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed.
Everyone buys him drinks.
"I'll pay $100 dollars to anyone else willing to try it!"
A few moments later a hand goes up in the back of the bar.
A blond steps forward, "I'll try, just promise you don't hit me with the beer bottle."
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  overspray on Fri 19 Dec 2008, 8:30 am

Dave wrote:I remember Jones calling me on Thursday, the day of the Nick's/DKP/High horsepower VW deal, and saying you guys were in gridlock on either the 10 or the 405....and everybody coming down to my house and driving the Collection around... still have the photo of the BKC guys sticking out of the sunroof and safari windows of the 21 window...
Good times !!!
and I think it was you that got the ride from HotVWs to Nick's in the Oval, wasn't it? We drove right by the place the first time, I was so used to it being at the Dairy Queen, I got lost....
I also remember walking by the "meeting" between the BKC and a certain Magazine editor, and thought "That's a good place for me to stay away from right now, if I want to stay working for the people I'm working for"....



That was Good Times.... and yes I'm one of the ones in the 21 window and was a pass in an oval.... Nicks is the shit !
We were nice to that Magazine Editor.. but I still think he soiled himself ! Twisted Evil

_________________
Stand Out.....or Stand Down !

Coming back with two rides in 2012...
1959 ..2276...Fatina
and a 1964 nice shiney Greenish..yellowish ride..
Get Ready !





http://www.facebook.com/pages/OvertonsResto/219003816997?ref=ts
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  overspray on Fri 19 Dec 2008, 8:32 am

Tanbug wrote:A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator.
He says to the patrons,"Here's the deal, I'll open this gators mouth and insert my genitals. The gator will close his mouth for one minute ,
then open it, and I'll remove my privates unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me a drink."
The crowd, which includes Mr. Clean, readily agrees.
The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gators' mouth. The gator closes his mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle, breaks it over the
gators head. Gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed.
Everyone buys him drinks.
"I'll pay $100 dollars to anyone else willing to try it!"
A few moments later a hand goes up in the back of the bar.
A blond steps forward, "I'll try, just promise you don't hit me with the beer bottle."

Shocked Laughing Shocked

_________________
Stand Out.....or Stand Down !

Coming back with two rides in 2012...
1959 ..2276...Fatina
and a 1964 nice shiney Greenish..yellowish ride..
Get Ready !





http://www.facebook.com/pages/OvertonsResto/219003816997?ref=ts
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  VOLKSWAGENUT on Fri 19 Dec 2008, 11:55 pm

lol!
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Sat 20 Dec 2008, 10:56 am

A guy is sitting in a bar when a great looking woman comes over to him.
He's really excited, but is quick to figure out that she is a hooker.
"Hey, handsome. Want to play a game? I'll do anything you want for $300, just say those three magic words."
He thinks for a minute, takes out his wallet and places $300 on the bar.
"Paint my house."
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Fifty - Five on Sat 20 Dec 2008, 7:01 pm

The Polite Way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

John, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
John said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Mike, how would you say it?'

Mike said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, Bill, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Bill said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted...
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Sun 21 Dec 2008, 1:15 am

lol!
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  mrclean on Sun 21 Dec 2008, 10:46 am

sounds just like me to have such good manners. lol!
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  overspray on Sun 21 Dec 2008, 10:56 am

Shocked

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1959 ..2276...Fatina
and a 1964 nice shiney Greenish..yellowish ride..
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Mon 22 Dec 2008, 11:37 pm

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one of them is bitten on the ass by a rattlesnake.
The other guy calls 911.
Since they were so far out, 911 gets a doctor on the line.
"Here's how to treat the bite. Take a knife, cut a little X at the wound, squeeze and suck out the poison."


He closes his phone, and turns to his friend, "They're sending an abulance."
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Mon 22 Dec 2008, 11:44 pm

Two guys are fishing on a lake.
First guy reels in his line and finds out he snagged an old bottle. As he pulls the hook off, a genie pops and grants him one wish.
"Turn the lake into beer!"
POOF...and the lake is turned into beer.
"Woo hoo, how about that?"

The other guy is not impressed, "Dumbass, now we gotta' piss in the boat."
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Mohawk on Tue 23 Dec 2008, 7:08 am

lol! lol! lol!
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Thu 01 Jan 2009, 12:22 am

Dick and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. Dick is about to putt when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid swing, removes his hat, and bows his head.
His friend is stunned, and commeds him on his thoughtfulness and kindness.

Dick says, "Yeah, well, we were married for 25 years."
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  overspray on Thu 01 Jan 2009, 2:31 am

OH !!!! that was cold...

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Stand Out.....or Stand Down !

Coming back with two rides in 2012...
1959 ..2276...Fatina
and a 1964 nice shiney Greenish..yellowish ride..
Get Ready !





http://www.facebook.com/pages/OvertonsResto/219003816997?ref=ts
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Thu 01 Jan 2009, 11:43 pm

PART TWO Shocked

After hearing what Dick said about his wife, he had to ask how she passed.
"Well, it's like this. After 24 years, Jane wants to learn how to play golf. After a lot of nagging, I finally give in. Get her a set of clubs, and a few basic lessons,
we go out. First, I have to explain how the ladies' tee is ahead of the mens', and she should wait there until I tee off. That's where things got bad. I sliced my tee shot,
and hit her right in the back of the head. She dropped like a rock in water. I dialed 911, and the paramedics arrived within minutes. They declared her dead on the spot.
After about a 20 minute exam, the medic came over to ask about the accident."
"We are clear about the cause of death, golf ball to the back of the head," the medic explained, "we are trying to explain the second golf ball in her ass."

Dick was confused, "I hit a mulligan."
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Tanbug on Sat 28 Mar 2009, 12:24 am

Obama is walking on the beach in Hawaii when he sees a bottle in the sand. Picks it up, what the heck, gives it a rub.
A genie pops out and grants him one wish.
"Well, we have this mess in the middle east. This map shows the areas that I want to fix."
The genie says, "No way....I'm from the middle east and this crap has been going on for a long time. Do you have another wish?"
"Absolutely!" Obama replies, "Our economy is screwed, Wall Street is in the toilet, and the Big 3 are going under. Can you fix them?"
The genie starts rubbing his hands together and says: "Let me see that map again."
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Re: Joke book for me

Post  Black Cat on Sat 28 Mar 2009, 4:45 pm

Thanks Tan! Smile
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